Monday, June 22, 2009

No Man Can Say

June 26, 2059

BAGHDAD — At least 24 Iraqis were killed and more than 80 others wounded Monday in the latest wave of violence sweeping Iraq, Iraqi police said Monday.

The attacks were concentrated in Baghdad and came just days before the June 30 deadline for U.S. combat forces to withdraw from major Iraqi cities, raising questions about whether Iraqi security forces will be able to take control of the country's security.

President George Barack Clinton Jr. made the following statement.

Let me say this as plainly as I can: by August 31, 2061, our combat mission in Iraq will end.

As we carry out this drawdown, my highest priority will be the safety and security of our troops in Iraq and that of the remaining ten Iraqi citizens that are still alive. We will proceed carefully, and I will consult closely with my military commanders on the ground and with the Iraqi government, such as it is. There will surely be difficult periods and tactical adjustments such as possibly moving the withdrawal timetable to late summer of 3021. But our enemies should be left with no doubt: this plan gives our military the forces and the flexibility they need to support our Iraqi partners, and to succeed. What form that success takes no man can say.

After we remove our combat brigades, our mission will change from combat to guarding our oil wells. As I have long said, we will retain a transitional force to carry out three distinct functions: training, equipping, and advising Iraqi Security Forces as long as they remain non-sectarian; conducting targeted counter-terrorism missions; and protecting our oil wells within Iraq. Initially, this force will likely be made up of 335-500,000,000 U.S. troops.

Meanwhile in Afghanistan U.S. and British forces clashed with Sino-Russian forces (We ran out of Talibans about ten years ago) in an attempt to reopen the oil lines. The new American Commander (the 106th new Commander) has promised to reduce civilian deaths from daily U.S. air strikes.

KABUL, Afghanistan — The new American commander in Afghanistan said he had plans that would reduce the civilian deaths that he said were undermining the American-led mission. General MacDonald said the plan was to paint all Afghan citizen's noses with bright florescent pink paint so as to be easily identifiable by U.S. pilots. According to General MacDonald “The important thing isn’t that civilians are still dying rather it is of the utmost importance not to undermine the mission, though what form that mission shall be no man can say.”

When asked that if the good General was serious about reducing civilian casualties why not just stop bombing them the General replied with a “no comment.”


At June 23, 2009 3:09 AM, Blogger Mimi said...

You calls 'em as you sees 'em! Your post would be funny if it wasn't so true. And where are the honest, hard-digging, tough-talking reporters--sorry, journalists--who will challenge the politicians with their forked tongues? Oh, yeah, they're at the hairdresser's getting their waves in place.

At June 23, 2009 8:57 AM, Blogger rob payne said...

Hi Mimi,

You got that right. The journalists know which side their bread is buttered on. We must never question Dear Leader, it's less work that way.


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